3 Tips To Help Your Daughter Eliminate Harmful Comparisons
It always happens in the moments I feel extremely stressed, overworked, and completely deflated by defeat. It’s in those moments that I think about how everything would be easier if I were someone else. If only I had that person’s skill job, time, charisma, talent, drive…you name it. Life just always seems easier for everyone else!
Comparison is blinding and debilitating and often fans the flames of self-doubt, insecurity, and jealousy. I know when I compare myself to others my world shifts and there are three negative things that start to creep their way into my life:
You lose sight of your own skills
When you shift all your attention onto what someone else has that you don’t, you create a void in your own life. You lose the ability to recognize your own talent which can lead to low self-esteem and low confidence. And I’ll tell you what, trying to constantly be someone else is exhausting and inauthentic. It becomes nearly impossible to see how many awesome talents and skills that you do have!
Constant state of dissatisfaction
Comparison can also very quick turn into jealousy. Why does she get to be successful? Why can’t I have what she has? Why does everything come so easy to her? When you equate happiness and success to what someone else has, you will never be satisfied with your own life. Even as you improve, evolve, and develop….comparison negatively tints all self-improvement.
Creates bitter friendships
Unfortunately, jealousy and comparison can drive a wedge into many friendships. When you should be celebrating your friend’s successes and improvements, you’re secretly resentful that you’re not going through the same journey. Their success bleeds insecurity, anger, and resentment into every crack in your friendship. I’ve been there! It’s toxic, debilitating, and leaves you feeling alone and unable to breathe.
So what do we do about it? How do we stop the comparison demon from creeping its way into our minds, our friendships, and our lives?
Compare yourself to…yourself. Rather than thinking about how good, fast, strong, or smart you are in comparison to someone else….compare yourself exclusively to yourself. How fast can you get? How strong can you get? Can you improve that skill you’ve been working on?
Focus on maximizing your current skills rather than worrying about your shortcomings. Shift your attention to what you do have going for you. What are you really good at? What is going well? What have you recently mastered? Build from there. Don’t waste any of your precious energy worrying about anything else.
Celebrate others’ successes. Get in the habit of celebrating your friends’ successes and unique traits. Everyone has their own story to write and we all go through phases of winning, losing, succeeding, and failing. Being genuinely happy for someone else will stifle any negative emotions or the desire to compare. Help your brain unlearn comparison by constantly bringing about celebration, happiness, and positive energy to those around you!