4 Ways Parents Can Support Their Teen Daughter’s Confidence Journey
Most girls struggle with self-doubt. The second-guessing, the perfectionism, the comparison. These are all responses to the world making her feel like she needs to make herself feel small in order to fit in.
As a parent of a teen girl, it can be really hard to watch your daughter struggle with insecurities and suffer from self-doubt. You don’t want her to hold back. You want her to be the best version of herself and thrive.
The thing about confidence is that it’s not something someone can give you. It has to be learned and nurtured throughout our phases in life.
While your daughter will be on her own journey of discovering what makes her feel confident, you can be there to support her along the way.
Here are four ways you can support her confidence journey:
1. Practice reframing self-talk
When you hear her saying negative comments about herself aloud, this is an insight into her internal self-talk. Respond to her with validation and guidance.
Let’s use a scenario to put this into context. Your daughter is putting on her soccer socks before you leave for a game and she says, “I don't even want to go. I’m going to mess up just like I did last time.”
In this moment, you could guide her into a new mindset by saying: “I can understand you’re nervous. That’s totally normal. Let’s get into a more productive mindset before we drive to your game. How can you replace that negative thought?”
The goal is to get her to reframe her negative mindset like "I’m going to mess up” into a productive mindset → "I have practiced all the skills I need to succeed. I can do this."
With time (and your support), she will regulate this mental framework totally on her own.
2. Acknowledge her wins, both big and small
It's common to congratulate her when she wins a game or gets an A on a test. But it's also important to acknowledge when she does the small things that help her recover after a challenge.
Like when she feels hurt by a friend and makes the choice to have an honest conversation with them. Or when she gets benched at a game and you see her positive attitude and support for her teammates from the sidelines.
When you notice these small actions (that actually take a lot of courage!), be sure to tell her.
Your verbal encouragement will help her recognize that it isn't all about the external rewards, but that the small things matter too.
3. Celebrate when you see her being a leader
Titles don’t have to equate to a leadership role. She can impact others through her own unique leadership abilities. Help her remember that she is a leader!
Did she include someone who was on the outside of the group? Did she pick up the supplies without being asked by her coach? Does she continue to say encouraging words to her teammates?
Tell her: “I saw you being a leader today when you ____. I’m proud of you, great job.”
When she is continually told that she is a leader, she will start to believe it herself.
4. Invest in her continued growth
Confidence is an ongoing practice. And are so many skills to master! We understand that it's hard to teach her these skills as a parent. You don't have to carry the sole responsibility of raising a confident girl. And let’s be honest. Teen girls don’t always want to listen to their parent’s advice!
Investing in outside resources is the best way to ensure your daughter is surrounded by a supportive community.
Getting involved in new activities is a great way for her to challenge herself, interact with peers, explore her passions, and find positive mentors.
Here are some confidence-boosting communities and activities to get your teen girl involved in:
After-school clubs
Art programs
Coding classes
Community theater
Free events at the library
Local volunteer initiatives
Girls in their adolescent years are finding their own identity. The pressure they feel to fit in will always be present, but you know what helps them to feel confident in themselves? Celebrating their unique talents with words of encouragement.
When she is surrounded by people that model positive self-talk and make her feel important, she will be on a stronger path toward building her own self-confidence.
Confidence-building is a complicated and broad topic. The ZGiRLS Curriculum™ includes a variety of additional helpful tips for parents to support their athletes in the development and stabilization of confidence. Because you shouldn’t have to have a Ph.D. to raise your teenage daughter.
Learn how ZGiRLS can provide your daughter the confidence and inner strength to channel her greatness while navigating life’s challenges.